Puppies ‘n Globes

This should be the ‘Smoke ‘N Evyl’ theme song

Mouth Smackin’ Good

There is not many delicacies as intricate and exquisite as a finely barbecued rack of spareribs. That is why when stumbling across this product. I was horrified. If someone ever tries to serve me some godawful fake veggie riblet bullshit. I will shoot them in the face. If the trial is held in the south, Texas, or Kansas City, I can guarantee an acquittal.

Mooseknuckle

Fugly.
This shit just shouldn’t exist.
Period, A-fucking-men.

S&E

The Candy Is Dandy

I recently came upon this site that has everything that a sweet tooth requires and a little bit extra. With items such as Large Gummy Pussy Pops, All Day Boob Suckers, and Tit Tarts, I don’t see how they can miss.

2 Cueballs

Evyl and I shave our cueball noggins and firmly believe that a smooth dome not only looks good but feels good, and it’s relatively low maintenance.
And many women dig it.
(we may post pictures sometime in the future. let us know if that sounds like a plan)

We both agree that the Gillette Fusion is the ultimate coconut shaver but have yet to agree on a shaving creme (or gel).
I’m here to settle that tonight.

That Name Is Money

 It has always been my pleasure in life to give to charity. So in keeping with my charitable nature, I would like to help out single moms out there in choosing the appropriate name to rack in the big bucks on the good old stripper pole.

• Serendipity - It worked in Dogma for Selma Hayak. And a name that says good luck might be just what is needed.
• Felicity - It’s happy. It’s snappy. Pure perfection.
• Mercedes - It stands for sleek, fast, with smooth lines and curves. It just doesn’t get much better than that.
• Summer - It’s hot. It’s sweaty. It’s gotta work.
• Destiny - Leaves men hoping that it could be their destiny.
• Diamond - It’s shiny and it’s a girls best friend.
• Candy - Candy is dandy but well you know the rest.
• Savannah - With a soft sultry southern drawl, it just might be the ticket to your own personal Tara.
• Tiffany - Makes you think high end. And what could be better than that.
• Champagne - Light, bubbly, and intoxicating.

On the flip side here are a few names to avoid like the plague when choosing your stripping name.

• Maude - Only in ‘Airheads’ would anyone want to see a naked Bea Arthur.
• Ethel - The thought of a naked Ethel Merman screeching ‘There’s No Business Like Show Business’ sends chills down my spine.
• Frau Blucher - She even makes horses cry.
• Mom - While everyone loves their mom, only really sick freaks want to see her naked.
• Marge - It’s just to close to large and in charge to work.

If this helps just one single mother then my job here is done. Now I will sit back and bask in the good vibes that doing well for others always brings.

Holes

Golf has given us some unusual and colorful terms to
describe shots; shank, chili-dip, skull, duck-hook, worm-burner, etc.
Here are some new ones to add to your vocabulary.

• Paris Hilton - a very expensive hole.
• James Joyce - putt that’s an impossible read.
• Rock Hudson - it looked straight, but wasn’t.
• Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim.
• Saddam Hussein - from one bunker into another.
• Yasser Arafat - butt ugly and in the sand.
• Kate Winslett -a drive that’s little bit fat but otherwise perfect!
• John Kennedy Jr. - didn’t make it over the water.
• Elephant’s Ass - it’s high and it stinks.
• Rodney King - over-clubbed.
• O.J. Simpson - got away with it, but with a bad lie.
• Princess Grace - should have used a driver.
• Princess Di - shouldn’t have used a driver.
• condom - safe, but didn’t feel very good.
• Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result.
• Brazilian - Shaved the hole.
• Rush Limbaugh - a bit too far to the right.
• Nancy Pelosi -way too far to the left (dog-leg)
• Barbra Streisand - Ugly but still working.
• Dick Cheney - Ball in an undisclosed location.
• Teddy Kennedy - goes in the water, but jumps out.
• Peewee Herman - too much wrist

Hit ‘em straight, boys!

A Little Test

If you ever question if dog is truly man’s best friend, here is a little test. Lock your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car. After about an hour passes, go and unlock the trunk and see which one acts like they missed you.

Redneck Love Tip: #1 (As A Tribute To The Dumbass That Blogsearched ‘Boy Fucks Heifer)

How To Fuck A Chicken

1. Cut the right wing off of a chicken.
2. Stick your cock up the chickens ass.
3. Try to shoo off the chicken and it will fly in a circle.

Hope this helps broaden your horizons Heifer Fucker.

An Ode To A Couple Of My Favorite Things