Charlie Brown Christmas (according to T. “Spaceman” Cruise)

Cruise is an absolute whackjob and a detrimental influence on real men everywhere.
This is what could happen if little “TC’s” ever begin to populate the planet.
God help us, everyone.

Sometimes Women Seem More Manly

I do not know why it is but men and women may feel the same way about the breakup of marriage but their actions are usually much different. When a woman separates or divorces out of a long term relationship, she generally loses about twenty pounds and if she doesn’t become an out and out [...]

H2O

An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
The Amish man shouts: ‘Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.’
Which means: ‘Don’t drink the water, the cows have shit in it.’
The man shouts back: ‘I’m a Muslim, I don’t understand. [...]

Friends

In this season of brotherly love it is a shame that many men have a hard time getting close with another man in a bond of friendship. I find it sad that anyone could miss out on a great friendship due to homophobia. Stephen Lynch is a great musical philosopher of our times. Therefore, I [...]

Thanksgiving means . . .

Three things: Turkey. Football. Nap.
Happy Thanksgiving, folks!
Smoke & Evyl

0gle Me

From Jonathan Hayter:
Staring at women’s breasts is good for men’s health and makes them live longer, a new survey reveals.
Researchers have discovered that a 10-minute ogle at women’s breasts is as healthy as half-an-hour in the gym.
A five-year study of 200 men found that those who enjoyed a longing look at busty beauties had lower [...]

Barry Bonds, the assterisk

I read the news today oh, boy
About a lucky man who made the grade
And though the news was rather sad . . .
Damn, the Beatles were prophetic.
Bonds, you suck major league ass.
Then again, I think in your heart, you knew that anyway.
Take that to your grave, you steroid-infested *douchebag.
Oh, and by the way, [...]

Assclown of the day

We present the very first Smoke ‘N Evyl
“Assclown of the Day Award”
given to knuckleheads that go above and beyond the call of duty and dysfunction.
Does this story belong here?
Damn straight. We’re both real men and yes, we’re fathers.
Should you see an assclown like this, knock his block off.
Believe me, he more than deserves it.
Congratulations, A.B!
BERLIN [...]

The Return Of Ricky

The reformed Ricky Williams has been reinstated by the NFL. The Miami Dolphins who would not have taken him back two years ago for love or money just might now. With a record breaking season in the making (and a winless season of 16 games is not the kind of record that one wishes [...]

Burning Questions

 As a continuing service, here is another quiz designed to guide you in following the proper way to living as a real man.
1. Your most recent conquest is staying the night over. After getting your freaks on, she cuddles up and politely asks if you would mind switching spots in the bed because she is [...]