To reach spiritual enlightenment I was told that it was only a matter of believing in something greater than myself nothing more would be required of me.
So in an effort to reach spiritual enlightenment I will believe in the power of the female orgasm.

Smoke, Evyl and Dan bring you the following PSA
We owe all of our male readers.
All three of you

Sure it looks like a harmless sex toy but actually it is a case of racial profiling. Just look at that racest pickle mascot, not all yodelers wear lederhosen, have mustaches, and are a drunk. In fact I do my best yodeling in spandex NOT lederhosen, come on it’s 2008 people!

Since I was forced to shut down Accidental Goat Sodomy down back in 2005 it has been awhile since I have written on a blog, especially one the is going to allow me to express myself so freely.  So thanks guys for letting me write a little bit about my crazy life and the fun things I get to do with my penis.

Sticking in in Stuff

Pussy is not the only thing that you can stick your schlong into that’s fun; chickens, goats, mud, trees, and whatever else you can think of that stands still long enough . A couple of weeks ago while walking home from work I noticed all these people watching some rich guy in a suit sleep. I did not think that it was right for this pompous asshole to be snoozing while all the people stood around. Since I am a southern gentlemen I saw it as my duty to to wake him up by sticking my cock in his ear. Let me tell you something there are not many things more beautiful then experiencing dozens of people singing amazing grace while having you cock in someones ear. To bad it did not wake the rich bastard up though.

Cock Slapping

The other day I was walking in the Wal-Mart parking lot when I saw two trailer park queens fighting over a pack of Newport’s. While I was watching these two lovely puss dripping ladies , one of them grabbed the others hairy nippled boob put it in a double vice nipple lock. Naturally the hotness of this caused a colossal earth shattering boner to pop up in my pants. Being the gentleman that I am, I can not sit idly by and see harm come to an innocent boobie. To de-escalate the situation and save the helpless boob, I swung back and bludgeoned the crazy bitch upside the head. I am not saying that I am a superhero but that kind of quick thinking should have gotten me a key to the city.

This should be the ‘Smoke ‘N Evyl’ theme song

There is not many delicacies as intricate and exquisite as a finely barbecued rack of spareribs. That is why when stumbling across this product. I was horrified. If someone ever tries to serve me some godawful fake veggie riblet bullshit. I will shoot them in the face. If the trial is held in the south, Texas, or Kansas City, I can guarantee an acquittal.

Fugly.
This shit just shouldn’t exist.
Period, A-fucking-men.

S&E

I recently came upon this site that has everything that a sweet tooth requires and a little bit extra. With items such as Large Gummy Pussy Pops, All Day Boob Suckers, and Tit Tarts, I don’t see how they can miss.

Evyl and I shave our cueball noggins and firmly believe that a smooth dome not only looks good but feels good, and it’s relatively low maintenance.
And many women dig it.
(we may post pictures sometime in the future. let us know if that sounds like a plan)

We both agree that the Gillette Fusion is the ultimate coconut shaver but have yet to agree on a shaving creme (or gel).
I’m here to settle that tonight.

For a mere $2.99 you can go into any CVS and purchase a can of “Nivea for Men” shaving gel. I probably shouldn’t let this little kitten out of the bag as there will be less for us.
Hey, we’re into sharing teh manlove here at Smoke and Evyl.
If it works for me and Evyl, maybe it could work for you ladies that read us.
It may be nice on the legs (or your face, if you work the Barnum & Bailey’s circuit, heaven forbid)
Hell, it may even be good for . . . nahhhhh.
Evyl has already addressed that subject.
And he’s done a damn fine job of it, if I don’t say so myself.
Kudos, buddy.
Pick up some Nivea and do your face a bigass favor.

 It has always been my pleasure in life to give to charity. So in keeping with my charitable nature, I would like to help out single moms out there in choosing the appropriate name to rack in the big bucks on the good old stripper pole.

• Serendipity - It worked in Dogma for Selma Hayak. And a name that says good luck might be just what is needed.
• Felicity - It’s happy. It’s snappy. Pure perfection.
• Mercedes - It stands for sleek, fast, with smooth lines and curves. It just doesn’t get much better than that.
• Summer - It’s hot. It’s sweaty. It’s gotta work.
• Destiny - Leaves men hoping that it could be their destiny.
• Diamond - It’s shiny and it’s a girls best friend.
• Candy - Candy is dandy but well you know the rest.
• Savannah - With a soft sultry southern drawl, it just might be the ticket to your own personal Tara.
• Tiffany - Makes you think high end. And what could be better than that.
• Champagne - Light, bubbly, and intoxicating.

On the flip side here are a few names to avoid like the plague when choosing your stripping name.

• Maude - Only in ‘Airheads’ would anyone want to see a naked Bea Arthur.
• Ethel - The thought of a naked Ethel Merman screeching ‘There’s No Business Like Show Business’ sends chills down my spine.
• Frau Blucher - She even makes horses cry.
• Mom - While everyone loves their mom, only really sick freaks want to see her naked.
• Marge - It’s just to close to large and in charge to work.

If this helps just one single mother then my job here is done. Now I will sit back and bask in the good vibes that doing well for others always brings.